for the absolute longest, my friends have given me shit about my reactions to my phone’s inbox. back in the day, i had a motorola razr, and my “cake texts” were clearly defined by its speaker bursting into a gritty rendition of chris brown’s “poppin”. now, armed with a privacy screen, password lock, and vibrating or non-unique notifications, my blackberry is far from the tattletale my old phone used to be. only problem is, i have quite the knack for telling on myself. a lot of people assume that the moment i crack a slight grin, i’m in the midst of a 3-layer, red velvet, cream cheese-frosted cake text, or that i’m being nasty. but my friends who have had more experience with seeing me in my element–head slightly down, fingers interlocked under the phone, with thumbs on either side–know that there’s a certain science to deciphering my facial expressions (which i’m horrible at masking).
a head cocked to the side with a slight smile is the result when the sender is a close friend or family member. a smile that slowly creeps across the face, with eyes shifting down and to the left, is always cake. always. an abrupt drop and shaking of the head, followed by a roll of the eyes, means some ridiculous form of humor has arrived. a coy smirk, arched eyebrow, or bite of the lip is indicative of conversation that has crossed from pleasant and cordial into deliciously vulgar. and there are a variety of giggles; whether they are a response to appropriate or suggestive humor is usually clear. i once had a friend exclaim “SEXTING IS ILLEGAL, BRIT!” based on the way i looked at my phone, laughed, and pulled on my ear (oh yeah, that’s another ‘tell’ of mine).
and i won’t even get started on my dimples–especially my right one, which indents deeper than the left–that often show up in a more pronounced fashion in my smiles, depending on the content and sender. i’m truly trying to get better at holding it together, because though i love my friends, they are some nosy, pryyyyying ass folk. and hearing “ooooh…look at brit. WHO are you talking to?!” as i sit in a corner and try to be incognito with my shit has become far too frequent. but to my credit, i have had quite a few impeccably inappropriate or disgustingly cakey conversations without even so much as batting an eyelash. those are my favorites; when everyone is oblivious as i sit silently, allowing my thumbs to put forth the sentiment i’ve tactically decided to keep from my face.
i’m anticipating the next time my led light goes off. i’ve got some practicing to do.